Sorry about my absence, but I have simply been too tired to write. I know that it is not much of an excuse, but it's all I've got. I really can't say what has gotten into me, I can only pray that it is not here to stay. I feel like I am constantly moving through a morass and I can't find my way out. The exhaustion is something that I wake up with and it stays with me all day long, keeping me company throughout the day threatening to engulf me if I dare to let my guard down. My eyes burn and drip with tears, yearning to close and find solace in sweet sleep. I am comforted by thoughts of rest and hope that in sleep I can get a temporary reprieve from the discomfort that haunts my days. But it is not to be. In sleep it follows me. Chasing me. Bringing with it strange dreams, images and sounds. I toss and turn, mumble, speak, cry out, yell and sometimes even sing-all while under the cover of sleep.
In my naiveté I had thought to pray for normalcy. It is not to be. For this is my new normal. It is not a punishment or a denial but it is different and something to get used to. My prayers are different now too. I've come to realize that my prayers are less selfish, less me focused. Less of the: Heal my pain, help me with this or show me that and more of the Thank You Lord and Praise You God. I've learned to put my trust in Him. Completely. And I am so Grateful for all that He has given me.
2 days ago