Thursday, October 21, 2010


Sorry about my absence, but I have simply been too tired to write.  I know that it is not much of an excuse, but it's all I've got.  I really can't say what has gotten into me, I can only pray that it is not here to stay.  I feel like I am constantly moving through a morass and I can't find my way out.  The exhaustion is something that I wake up with and it stays with me all day long, keeping me company throughout the day threatening to engulf me if I dare to let my guard down.  My eyes burn and drip with tears, yearning to close and find solace in sweet sleep.  I am comforted by thoughts of rest and hope that in sleep I can get a temporary reprieve from the discomfort that haunts my days.  But it is not to be.  In sleep it follows me.  Chasing me.  Bringing with it strange dreams, images and sounds.  I toss and turn, mumble, speak, cry out, yell and sometimes even sing-all while under the cover of sleep. 
In my naiveté I had thought to pray for normalcy.  It is not to be.  For this is my new normal.  It is not a punishment or a denial but it is different and something to get used to.  My prayers are different now too.  I've come to realize that my prayers are less selfish, less me focused.  Less of the: Heal my pain, help me with this or show me that and more of the Thank You Lord and Praise You God.  I've learned to put my trust in Him.  Completely.  And I am so Grateful for all that He has given me. 
Like this:
A visit from her son sure can warm this Mom's heart!
Yes, last night Tim came home for a visit.  Far too long in between, but I'll take it when I can.  So good to see him.  Bella was happy too as you can see.  He and Jim picked Bella up from school, it was like noone else was there, only her uncle existed at that moment for Bella.  They walked the dogs and afte they got home, they took a hike into Gambril State Park.  Bella said it was one of the best days of her life and it was the best hike of her life!  (It was the only hike of her life, but who's counting?)  They did a short one mile trail, but it was long enough for her little legs.  We had dinner together, talked and laughed and caugh up.  It was good, it was nice.  Then Tim had to go home.  Bella was sad.  Truth be told, so was I.  I love having my kids around.  Let's make it a shorter time between visits next time!

1 comment:

  1. So sorry you are feeling this way, I so hope you feel better soon.
    I wasn't feeling up to par last week and napped most of the day, for a few days.
    I agree life is good when our children are around us.