Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A New Direction

My kids are moving in a new direction.  Tim is off in DC working hard to get the restaurant off and running and from what I can tell, he is doing a mighty fine job of it.  I'm a proud momma.  He's done a lot of growing up, made a lot of changes, made mistakes along the way with more to come I'm sure.  But he's charting his course, he knows where he wants to go and he's trying to get there.  Although he doesn't know what his final destination will be, or who he is destined to share his journey with yet, he is moving forward and making inroads and doing it in such a way that makes me feel really good about the man that he is becoming.  The man that he has become.  He's my son.  I am his mother.  He is a child of God and a Godly man.  I am so proud of my child.
Michelle moved out over the weekend.  It was something to see.  The move was so organized and rather systematic, especially considering that they did it themselves.  (No professionals.)  Michelle had the place looking like they lived there by the end of the first day.  Everything was cleaned, unpacked, and put away, boxes were broken down and put out for recycling, the kids were showered and in their pj's by 7:00 PM.  It was rather amazing.  That's Michelle.  She is a hard worker!  She too is working hard at her job.  She is successful in her field, she enjoys her work, and  I am proud of her.  She's worked so hard to get where she is today.  She's made mistakes along the way, she's done a lot of growing and a lot of changing, she's learned to swerve and she's become a wonderful mother.  She too, is on her way to a new life and she is making her way there.  Her course seems clearer to her now and she believes that through His perfect timing, God has shown her who she is to share her journey with.  She and Shawn are planting seeds for their future, and beginning their life together in the same home was one of them.  Hopefully, their will be more to follow.   She has become a strong and beautiful woman.  She is my daughter, I am her mother.  She is a child of God, a Godly woman.  I am so proud of my child.
My prayers continue for them, for both of them.  They have so much life ahead of them, so much more to see and do, so much more love to feel, to loose, to know.  And when they think that their hearts are as full as they can possibly be, that nothing can make them feel fuller or stronger or more aware, that is when they will know the warmth of another's touch when they're feeling alone, their childs' cry in the still night air, a stranger's pain will lead them to God or a silent prayer can set them free.  Our prayers for our children never stop.  We never get over parenting them and they never get too old for our love or our concern-despite what they might like to believe.  But what I have come to motice as my children mature is that the prayers are different, the worry is different and I am different.  Naturally, our concerns are all less carefree, that is to be expected.  It is a deeper, more heartfelt feeling.  Almost indescribable.  Deep down, in the pit of your stomach kind of a prayer, that bubbles up, fills me up and washes over me, spreading a warmth and a light through me that carries me and gives me strength and peace.  And I want that for my children.  It has taken me a long time to identify what that is, but I think that now I  know what it is.  That feeling. 
                                                                      It  is

I want that for them.  That love CAN be found in a book.  But you have to search for it.  You have to search within yourself, but you can have it.  It's there for the taking.  It's free.  You just have to want it.  The book?
The Bible.  Open it, you'll be drawn in.  It there. 

I'm heading in a new direction too.  It's one that I guess I hadn't really anticipated when I was 20 or 30 to be heading into as I was approaching 50.  Empty Nester.  Had I thought about it, well it would have occurred to me, but I didn't think about it.  Now, as it is here smacking me in the face saying 'Look, You're 50!  You're kids are grown and gone,.  Now what?!'  It's left me with a big question staring me in the face.  See it?  Yeah.  NOW WHAT? 
I'm not really sure to tell you the truth.  I feel like I should be having some type of epiphany about now, but truth is-I got nothing!  Am I supposed to just go on status quo?  Or is this the point in life where I'm supposed to do something big, make a statement big?  Let's not get crazy here, I'm not going to run for office or start a cult or anything.  I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of running (hell walking who am I kidding) a 5K or sleeping naked (yeah, don't do that with kids in the house and let's face it don't feel comfortable enough in my own skin to wanna see my own skin!)  So there you have it.  My options -so far.
I'll let you know what I decide unless anyone has any better ideas?  I'm open to suggestions.

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