In the same week that bonnie Prince William announces his engagement to Kate Middleton, the not so desperate housewife Eva Longoria files for divorce from her husband of three years Tony Parker. Three years to you and me is when they are just coming off the honeymoon stage but in terms of a Hollywood marriage it seems like the equivalent to ten. Why is that? Do the rich and famous go into a marriage with the mindframe that it is just a temporary thing, until something better comes along, or something fancier catches their eye? I'm not sure if that is it or not, but if it is I can honestly say that I don't understand that mentality.
Don't get me wrong, I am not against divorce. I fully understand that sometimes it is for the best. My parents are divorces and in their case, it was for the best. Their was no big scandal there, nothing that could be pointed at and said 'that was it'. It was many things that added up to this, they brought out the worst in each other. That is not what marriage should be about and that is not what they wanted to teach their daughters what love was. They loved us enough to divorce and make a better life for all of us, independent of one another.
But marriage is hard. Even with the right person, it is not easy every day. You have to make a concious choice to stay married. To honor your committment, each other, your families and your God. There are a lot of people in your marriage, it's not just about two people. It's so much more than that. It's work. Hard work. It's a struggle, a balancing act, a leap of faith, a joy, a thrill ride, a crazy, zany, treasured, walk through life. It can be so many things, but it is not easy.
Now, I don't pretend to be some marriage guru here-but I can speak from a bit of experience. Having been married to the same man for nearly 30 years now, we have been through quite a lot together and have shared quite a number of experiences. Sometimes I think that romantic movies have ruined us because we tend to want our lives to be like our favorite romanance and its not. It's just not practical. We watch a movie for an hour and a half or two hours, and marriages take place over a lifetime if your lucky. There are those moments that we cherish, those sweet, sappy moments that we hold close to our hearts and never will forget. Real life over rides them for the most part becuse those moments are far more frequent. Which is what makes those other moments all the more special. Right?
When I was but a blushing bride, my grandmother gave me a beautiful crystal vase as a wedding gift and told my husband that he was to keep it filled for our first year of marriage, thereby guaranteeing a happy marriage. My grandmother was very special to me and at the time of my wedding she was recovering from a major life-altering stroke. Speaking was often difficult for her and her words didn't always come out as she wanted them to. But on this she was clear, he was to keep that vase filled for one year. And he did. The type of flowers didn't matter to me, what mattered was that he did it, that it meant something to him because she meant something to me. That was special and still is.
I'm not going to tell you that there are not going to be times when you wake up and see him lying in bed next to you and think 'Oh, crap!' The reality is you probably will. Or that you might lie awake at night wondering if you smother him with your pillow will anyone suspect you in his death, or will they think he just died in his sleep. (Kidding, kinda!) I mean let's face it, Eve probably should really have kept her hands and her mouth off of that apple. But it is what it is and we have to deal with it now, so - my point- marriage is work people.
Work at it! Honor your committments! Teach your children how to honor theirs!
And now, I will step down off my soap box.
Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.
9 hours ago