Guess What?

It has stopped raining!  Finally.  It seemed liked the rain was here to stay, because everytime the rain would seem to break it started right back up again.  Let me tell you, we are soaked, water logged and down right sick of the rain!  Well, this weekend was glorious in terms of the weather.  Couldn't have been nicer.  Not a cloud in the sky, sun was shining and the nights were cool.  Just a couple of beautiful fall days.  I was loving it!  Which was good, because I was outside a lot both days. 
Saturday we had planned to participate in a yard sale with our neighbors.  They had been preparing for it for weeks and after 40+ years of marriage and an adult daughter whose own teenage kids had gone off to school had moved back in with her parents-they had a lot to get rid of.  We didn't have that much, just some books and toys, games, and some other random things that were lying around taking up space.  Most of it was the kids' stuff.  So Michelle was going to help with the set up and the sale, but the kids slept in and then after they got to the house and were there for a while Bella got sick so they had to go home.  So, I was flying solo with the yard sale.  But, since we had pulled a bunch of stuff out of the garage I decided it was a good time to sweep and vaccum it out and got it nice and clean and then when I was done with that I swept the driveway and the sidewalk, so everything looked nice.  (Of course Jim had to go and mow the lawn yesterday and ruin the nice clean look, but what can you do!) 
Yesterday, Jim and I ran some errands together.  I bought paint to paint Michelle's old room with and begin the transformation.  I hate the thought of starting a painting project, but I sure love the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I am in the midst of one and see the progress that I am making.  It is such a great feeling!  Then when I have finished the project to stand back and look at the completed room and know that I have done it myself gives me such a sense of pride, I feel like I can take on the world.  Just give me a paint brush and a roller!  Ha!  We also got a few other things that we needed, although I can't for the life of me remember what because they don't really matter compared to the paint.  When we got home we worked in the yard for quite a while.  Him more than me, but I did a bit.  Due to recent storms, we have lost quite a few branches and shrubbery in the back yard and Jim had been able to cut a lot of it down, but had not gotten to break it down and haul it away.  It was all just in piles in various gardens in the back, so yesterday we broke down the branches, kept what we could for kindling and hauled the rest away.  Let me tell  you, I worked hard!  It was a lot of bending over and this old body doesn't like that type of repititous action anymore!  Plus, the sun was hot.  I finished up my part and left Jim to mow the lawn and I went inside where I thought I'd relax for a while.  Once inside though, I was greeted with a dirty floor that needed my attention and I just couldn't let it go.  So, I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor, then I vaccumed the whole house and when I got upstairs I noticed that the bathroom door was shut (we don't use the hall bathroom).  Bella had aparently shut it after being sick in there the day before for what I can only assume were malordorsly obvious reasons.  Let's just say it didn't get better with age!  So, that led to scrubbing and disinfecting the entire bathroom.  The good news is it's sparkly clean now.  * :)   The bad news is, so much for an afternoon of relaxation. 
It ended well though, I sat in the hot tub for a long while last night.  Just relaxing.  Oh it was nice!  The water was hot, the bubbles were popping and the jets were strong, doing their job at relaxing my muscles.  Mmm.  Makes me tired even thinking about it.  I could use a little nap. 

So it Begins

Phone calls, emails, websites and magazines all with pictures of brides and beautiful dresses, touting one venue over another, questions about where to go, who to see, and of course, how much will it cost?  It all can become a little overwhelming!  No wonder a bride is known to be so emotional during this time.  But what about her mother?  Why am I feeling so emotional?
It's rather confusing for me to understand myself.  I am so undeniably happy for Michelle.  Bella too.  Shawn is a terrific man and I have a great bond with him that I feel is one that will only strengthen with time.  They are very lucky to have each other-all of them.  I love the planning of the wedding, it's fun for me.  Something that I have always wanted to do and have looked forward to. I can't wait to go shopping with the girls for dresses and flowers and get into all the details.  That's my idea of fun.  So it's not that.  But I do feel myself to be at somewhat of an impasse.  I am very emotional and cry at the drop of a hat, especially when speaking with Michelle.  I am not afraid of being replaced because the truth is, I know no one can replace ME!  Part of me though may feel a bit set adrift. Somewhat like an old viking, but without the flames.
The truth is, I feel sad.  After much soul searching, I feel that I've been able to reach the source of my sadness and it is this.  Michelle has decided to get married at Shawn's family church, and to attend there with Isabella.  While part of me is so glad that they will be attending church as a family and raising Bella and Aiden together in the Christian faith, it saddens me at the same time to think that our time together in our family church has passed.  Is that selfish?  I really do want what is best for them and I think that perhaps this church might be good for them.  They went on Sunday and Bella has talked about it to me several times and she asked Michelle to read to her about the story they talked about in church.  That is great, it means that Isabella was paying attention and she got something from the service and it was brought home, all of that is good.  It is also great that Shawn's family attends that church as well, his parents and his sister and her family as well, so Bella will have cousin's there.  I know that it is all good, but part of me feels like they are giving part of themselves up gain those rewards.  While my head knows that's not true, it has to convince my heart.
The worst part is that without them, I don't want to go to church and I don't know why.  It's not their fault!  Michelle is doing what is right for her and for her family, I know that!  At the same time, it's always been hard enough for me to go to church with just my children and not Jim.  Now, for the kids to leave me too, I just don't know if I can do it without them. 
Jesus knows my heart.  He knows that my love and trust in Him hasn't changed, but my courage has faltered a bit.  Pray for me, that He will give me the strength that I need to go it alone.  To worship Him as I have done for the last half of my life, at my home church with my church family. 

A Season of Changes

It seems that there will continue to be a lot of changes in the lives of my family.  And we couldn't be happier about them.  While Michelle and Shawn were away in Disney World they became engaged.  Prior to their leaving, Shawn had spoken to both Jim and I and asked our permission which of course we granted, so we knew that it was in the works, but we didn't know exactly when.  While we spoke with them several times during their trip they never let anything on. It turns out that he popped the question on their first night there and Michelle didn't want to share it with anyone (other than Shawn's sister Courtney who they were with), she preferred to just keep it to themselves for the time being.  That's so very Michelle. 

The Happy Couple!

They haven't set a date as of yet but are hoping for the Spring, April or May.  They had a really great trip and had a wonderful time.  They are anxious to go back and bring the kids, hopefully on their honeymoon if things go as planned even if it is a delayed honeymoon.  (After school gets out.) 

Isabella and Aiden are thrilled!  They were told on Friday night after Aiden's birthday celebration.  The Grands, Jim and I and Rex and Della (Shawn's parents) were invited over to their house to celebrate the birthday and when the kids went up to bed Michelle and Shawn went up to speak to them.  We heart lots of cheering coming from upstairs, so we thought the kids were taking the news well.  Shortly Aiden came bounding down the stairs yelling "We're getting married!" followed by Bella who war piroutting down the steps singing "They're getting married!"  She followed that up by telling us that "Yeah!  And I'm going to be the Maiden of Honor and Aiden's going to be the Perfect Boy.  Or something like that."  We all got a kick our of that.  Isabella and Aiden will be the honorary Maid of Honor and Best Man.  They are well suited for their jobs! 

Then the kids realized that they would be brother and sister and they were thrilled about that!  Bella looked at Shawn and said she'd have a Dad.  Not sure who was happier about that, but then Aiden looked at Michelle and seemed a bit confused.  He has a Mom.  And he said "Miss Michelle will be my..." And I filled in with 'How about Miss Michelle can be your 'Bonus Mom' Aiden, will that work?"  He smiled and said "Miss Michelle you can be my 'Bonus Mom!'" 

It was very cute and they couldn't stop smiling.

So, it's on to helping to plan a wedding for me!  I am very happy for all of them.  Michelle and Shawn are a delightful couple who so enjoy one another, it will be a joy to see them take this step together.

Catching Up

I know I've got a lot of catching up to do!  I've had lots going on and just haven't had a chance to get on the computer.  Really.  So, what have I been up to since last I posted? 

Well, aside from the usual which keeps me busy enough-there has been lots!  Thursday night Michelle and I headed on over to the Fairgrounds to see Darius Rucker.  He put on an amazing concert and was very well received.  The fans just loved him-Michelle and I included! 

That's Michelle, leaning right up against the stage hoping to get a guitar pick.  No luck!

Friday is traditionally kids day at the fair and as such, the county schools are closed for the day.  That's what it's like to live in a small, rural farm town.  Over the years as more and more city people have moved in, there have been numerous complaints, and lots of people have tried to change it, but the tradition still stands.  So, Bella spent the day with Granddaddy and in the evening, Michelle and I took her to  her first concert at the fair.  Billy Currington was playing and one of Bella's favorite country songs is 'People are Crazy' by Billy Currington, so we thought it might be a good one to start her out with.  We did start to worry about the weather though as it rained off and on for most of the day, but it stopped in time for the concert and despite the horrendous humidity, the concert was a HUGE success!  Bella had a great time and danced and sang along, and at the end of the show she went to the stage with Michelle and during the encore, Billy held Bella's hand during one of his songs.  She was thrilled!  (I was too far away to even see it let along photograph it!)

Bella and Michelle before the concert.  Bella had to change into her new Billy Currington T-shirt!

Michelle and Bella rocking it out!

Saturday I had another great day and had a massage.  Oh!  How I love to start my day with a massage.  Actually, I don't really care where in my day one happens to fall.  I'd take it in any part of the day.  I just really enjoy getting a massage.  I felt totally refreshed, renewed and re-energized afterwards and went to the grocery store before I headed home and cleaned the house and did several loads of laundry and some ironing.  Then when Jim got home he wanted to go out to try and find a dresser for Bella's room in our  house and we stopped at several stores without any luck and then came home.  I checked on Craigslist because I had seen something on there in Hagerstown and so I called about it and we headed up there to look at it and hopefully purchase it.  Only to get there to find out that the guys brother had already sold it!  Luckily, they purchase stuff from estate sales and had a lot of stuff and we were able to get something else that worked for us.  It wasn't exactly what we wanted, but it will work and it was only $60.  Perfect!

Yesterday morning we met Michelle, Shawn and Bella for breakfast and then after we took Bella home with us while Michelle and Shawn headed for the airport.  They are going to Disney for a few days alone.  Which means we get Bella for a few days alone!  Works out good all around. 

After they left, my cousin came up to the house with her little girl Tory who is the same age as Bella and we took the girls to a local pumpkin patch.  They had a great time playing together. 

They loved the corn maze, but it was a bit muddy for our taste!!

 

It was also hotter than we had expected it to be. 

Bella quickly found a way to solve  her problem of being to hot.  She just dumped a bottle of water over her head!  Problem solved. 

Needless to say, between the mud, the water, corn, sweat, and everything else, they were a bit of a mess by the time we got  home.  Thank goodness for nice clean showers!  Had her smelling sweet in no time flat.

So tomorrow morning its back to work and school for us.  I think I might be glad for a little boring routine.  As a matter of fact, I think I'm looking forward to it!

A New Direction

My kids are moving in a new direction.  Tim is off in DC working hard to get the restaurant off and running and from what I can tell, he is doing a mighty fine job of it.  I'm a proud momma.  He's done a lot of growing up, made a lot of changes, made mistakes along the way with more to come I'm sure.  But he's charting his course, he knows where he wants to go and he's trying to get there.  Although he doesn't know what his final destination will be, or who he is destined to share his journey with yet, he is moving forward and making inroads and doing it in such a way that makes me feel really good about the man that he is becoming.  The man that he has become.  He's my son.  I am his mother.  He is a child of God and a Godly man.  I am so proud of my child.
Michelle moved out over the weekend.  It was something to see.  The move was so organized and rather systematic, especially considering that they did it themselves.  (No professionals.)  Michelle had the place looking like they lived there by the end of the first day.  Everything was cleaned, unpacked, and put away, boxes were broken down and put out for recycling, the kids were showered and in their pj's by 7:00 PM.  It was rather amazing.  That's Michelle.  She is a hard worker!  She too is working hard at her job.  She is successful in her field, she enjoys her work, and  I am proud of her.  She's worked so hard to get where she is today.  She's made mistakes along the way, she's done a lot of growing and a lot of changing, she's learned to swerve and she's become a wonderful mother.  She too, is on her way to a new life and she is making her way there.  Her course seems clearer to her now and she believes that through His perfect timing, God has shown her who she is to share her journey with.  She and Shawn are planting seeds for their future, and beginning their life together in the same home was one of them.  Hopefully, their will be more to follow.   She has become a strong and beautiful woman.  She is my daughter, I am her mother.  She is a child of God, a Godly woman.  I am so proud of my child.
My prayers continue for them, for both of them.  They have so much life ahead of them, so much more to see and do, so much more love to feel, to loose, to know.  And when they think that their hearts are as full as they can possibly be, that nothing can make them feel fuller or stronger or more aware, that is when they will know the warmth of another's touch when they're feeling alone, their childs' cry in the still night air, a stranger's pain will lead them to God or a silent prayer can set them free.  Our prayers for our children never stop.  We never get over parenting them and they never get too old for our love or our concern-despite what they might like to believe.  But what I have come to motice as my children mature is that the prayers are different, the worry is different and I am different.  Naturally, our concerns are all less carefree, that is to be expected.  It is a deeper, more heartfelt feeling.  Almost indescribable.  Deep down, in the pit of your stomach kind of a prayer, that bubbles up, fills me up and washes over me, spreading a warmth and a light through me that carries me and gives me strength and peace.  And I want that for my children.  It has taken me a long time to identify what that is, but I think that now I  know what it is.  That feeling. 
 
                                                                      It  is
                                                                                                                                      LOVE.


I want that for them.  That love CAN be found in a book.  But you have to search for it.  You have to search within yourself, but you can have it.  It's there for the taking.  It's free.  You just have to want it.  The book?
The Bible.  Open it, you'll be drawn in.  It there. 

I'm heading in a new direction too.  It's one that I guess I hadn't really anticipated when I was 20 or 30 to be heading into as I was approaching 50.  Empty Nester.  Had I thought about it, well it would have occurred to me, but I didn't think about it.  Now, as it is here smacking me in the face saying 'Look, You're 50!  You're kids are grown and gone,.  Now what?!'  It's left me with a big question staring me in the face.  See it?  Yeah.  NOW WHAT? 
I'm not really sure to tell you the truth.  I feel like I should be having some type of epiphany about now, but truth is-I got nothing!  Am I supposed to just go on status quo?  Or is this the point in life where I'm supposed to do something big, make a statement big?  Let's not get crazy here, I'm not going to run for office or start a cult or anything.  I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of running (hell walking who am I kidding) a 5K or sleeping naked (yeah, don't do that with kids in the house and let's face it don't feel comfortable enough in my own skin to wanna see my own skin!)  So there you have it.  My options -so far.
I'll let you know what I decide unless anyone has any better ideas?  I'm open to suggestions.
 

Adjustments

It's been a while, I know.  There always seems to be such a flurry of activity that surrounds me and yet I can't seem to put my finger on a reason why.  It's not that I have six small children, or work a few jobs, or travel a lot, it's just a lot of little things that when combined, create a lot of stuff.  Some of the stuff that has been keeping me away has required some adjustments on my part and though it is not always my strong suite, I am trying to go with the flow.  So to catch you up on what's been going on, here's a brief review:

     * I finally got my new car as evidenced in my last post.  It has required many new adjustments on my part, most notably reading the owners manual!  The thing has so many gizmos and gadjets that just operating the radio required an entire chapter in the manual.  I went to get gas and left the manual at home and sat in the gas station for 10 minutes before I could figure out how to open up the gas tank!  Next week we are going to a class on the care and feeding of the vehicle, hopefully that will help us....

     * Isabella has started the second grade.  UGH!  (Talk about feeling old, wasn't it just yesterday that it was my babies going off to elementary school?)  Anyway, with Michelle's new job requiring her to work more hours until an assistant is found, Jim and I are helping pick up Bella from school, get homework done and get her to dance class when needed.  After a summer of fun it is an adjustment to get into a routine again but luckily she is a very easy and disciplined child who enjoys school and loves learning.  It makes it way easier!

     * After careful thought and consideration, Michelle and Shawn have decided to share their love and their home together.  They found a very nice place close to Michelle's work, close to us and Bella's school and much closer to Shawn's work than he was and they will move in on Saturday.  Michelle has been busy packing in between working and after getting Bella to bed.  They got the keys last night and can't wait to  move in!  Their place is adorable and I'm sure they will put their own personal stamp on it before too long.  Jim and I are both very excited for them as we know that this is a new beginning for them and a good move for them, but at the same time an adjustment for us.  We have become so accustomed to having our darling Bella with us and of course Michelle too.  But having a little one is different, she brings a renewed life into our home, a different attitude, she reminds us not to take ourselves too seriosly.  It's the little, everyday things that I'll miss the most, the kisses goodnight, the way she skips down the hallway and wraps her arms around my legs saying GaGa when I get home from work, the chatter at the dinner table, the warm sleepies, silly giggles, the toothless grins and the 'I love you's.  I  know I'll still see her a lot and I know she is close by and I count my blessings for that, but it will still be an adjustment.

     * I guess another thing that I'll have to adjust to is being an 'empty nester'!  Being alone with my husband again.  OMG!  What will we talk about, what will we do?  Hmmm?  Maybe I can think of a thing or two.  But really, is he going to expect me to like sit with him all the time?  'Cuz that won't be happening.  Togetherness is one thing, I'm all for it don't get me wrong.  But I draw the line at being tied at the hip!  No sir, not me, get yourself another.  Because this one might write a song about it, but I'm not gonna live it, put me on the next train. 

     * One other adjustment and perhaps the biggest of all that I have to get used to is the one that my body goes through at this time of year.  It is difficult at times to comes to terms with the fact that I am not the person that I once was.  That my body does not respond to the demands that my brain asks of it.  The things that we take for granted.  Simple things, like standing unaided, or bending down and getting back up, opening your hand to release a grip.  Relaxing.  Somewhere along the way, my body has forgotten the route and chooses instead the road less traveled and that makes all the difference, but not in a good way.   It's a period of re-adjustment as I get used to the limitations that I must learn to accept. 

So, that's about it for now.  Lot's of changes with more to come I'm sure.  Fall is quickly approaching and before long we'll be thinking about the holidays! 

I have a picture to share with you before I go, here is Bella after her first day of Second Grade. She had a great day and was so happy to be back in school!

Wordless Wednesday

2011 Toyota Sienna

I can get in and out with ease-rest for tired legs.

Lumbar support and heated seats!

Other unnecessary accoutraments.

More later.