Is it terrible to say that I am looking forward to the weekend just so that I can sleep in? Well if so, then I'm sorry. But, I can't wait to sleep in! It's been a long week and I am anxious for it to be over.
Got a call on Monday at work from my doctors office at Kennedy Kreiger saying that the doctor wanted me to come again for another check up. I asked when, she said tomorrow morning. So, in gale force winds and the driving rain I headed back down to Baltimore to see my doctor on a Tuesday. She usually only sees patients on Friday's so this was unusual. I met a new doctor who wanted to examine me, he looked like a Ken doll. Blond, perfect hair, perfectly coiffed. Preppy clothes, beautify styled and perfectly creased. Even his lab coat was stylish! When he smiled, the light tinkled on the shine on his teeth. You know the type? So totally not my type! But an interesting specimen non the less. Anyway, had to go through the whole routine again with him, from beginning to end. What brought me here, when did symptoms first begin, what is affected, how does this interfere with your life, etc., etc., etc.? Then the one that bothers me: are you depressed?
That bothers me for a number of reasons. 1) Can a person not be ill or have a disease independent from being depressed? 2) Why is it so often assumed that when a person (read: woman) has ongoing, often unexplained symptoms that she is depressed and that is the diagnosis?
When I said that I wasn't depressed by my diagnossis he seemed surprised. He said that he would think that it would be depressing and that it was understandable that I would be depressed. Was he trying to talk me into it? I said that I thought that anytime someone deals with chronic pain that it is dificult and can be depressing but that I thought my attitude in general was good and it helped me to deal with the pain a little better. Did I want a break from it? Yes. Could I do without it? Of course. But given my choices, this doesn't seem that bad. When I look at what is going on in the world today, war, tsunamis, earthquakes, pain and devestation, children with unimaginable illnesses, families without hope, I know that I am in a good place. I am so Blessed. I have so much to be thankful for and I have a God who truly loves me, who I can put my faith in wholy. I don't always know how He answers our prayers, but I know that He does. I know that He knows what our lifes story will be, and it is like a glorious book laid out before Him as we walk throuh it page by page, chapter by chapter, just as He has ordained for us. And I am on one of those pages as he had planned. And I am so grateful, so blessed and ever so loved.
Enjoy your weekend.
Count your Blessings!
2 days ago