Wednesday, June 23, 2010

More than I could have imagined.

If you had asked me when I was 20 or even 30 what my life would be like now I don't think that I would have gotten it right.  I don't think that I would have ever guessed that I would be working full time, my husband would be retired, my younger child would have moved away from home, my older child would be living at home with her child.  No, I never would have guessed all that.  And all the rest.  Who can know how your life is going to turn out?  And if you knew, would you do it again?  Would you make changes along the way to alter the course of your life or the outcome?  Hard to say. 
But I can say this with some assurance, I like where I am.  I am happy.  Life doesn't always take us where we thought we were going to go, but somehow we get to where we are none the less.  My journey like so many others, has not always been an easy one.  It has been fraught with angst, tears, lonliness and despair but also filled with laughter, joy, happiness and so much love.  My blessings abound and I am so grateful. 

Sometimes its lifes simple things that can bring the most joy.  After Bella's birthday party Michelle came up to me and rested her head on my shoulder for a moment and I gave her a squeeze and she looked and me and said thank you.  With so much sincerity in her voice and in her eyes that I was moved.  Michelle and I talk about everything, share so much, she had thanked me over and over again.  I knew that she was grateful.  That was a small but significant gesture. 

Tim called last night to tell me that he had gone to the National's game on Monday evening.  He told me all about the game and their adventure.  How much they had enjoyed it and what fun they had.  We got cut off when he got on the subway and he called back to pick up where he left off when he got off his train.  He told me about where they had gone to dinner and what they had, what it cost.  All the little details of his life in the big city.  And he didn't ask to talk to his dad and before he hung up he said " I love you, Mom", like he always does.  I hung up and just held the phone to my chest and smiled,  Silently enjoying my alone time with my son. 

And then there's Bella.  I walked in the door last night and no one seemed to be around, so I called out 'hello' and the response I got back was ' GAGA! GAGA'S HOME!' Followed by her little footsteps running down the hallway and down the stairs and then her arms wrapped around my legs.  She looked up at me with thos big brown eyes and smiled that big toothless, dimpled grin and said softly 'Hi, Gaga.' and my heart melted.  As it always does.  What a welcome home.  There's nothing better.  She is such a sweet, loving child.  And she says the funniest things sometimes.  My friend Durinda is always telling me that I need to write them down and someday I will, for now I'll put some here. 
  • She had a song stuck in her head and told Jim about it, his solution was to close her mouth & blow it out her nose or something, she proceeded to give him an anatomy lesson in why that wouldn't work.  As he relayed this to me in front of her she looked at me and said "After all Gaga, we know that the cranium would get in the way anyway!"
  • Looking at a seascape w/Durinda, Durinda commented on how pretty it was and how it made  you feel like you were really at the beach.  Bella replied "Yes, that's because of the texture in the painting" Well, duh!
  • When asked if she liked something that she was eating her response was not a simple yes, instead she said "My taste buds are dancing the meringue!"
  • While we were at Chuck E Cheese watching the big rat sing, she realized that is was not in fact the rat singing, but a recording. “I’m not impressed” was what she had to say about that.
  • Watching ball room dancers on TV she were mesmerized. When asked what she thought she responded with “They’re beautiful, just gorgeous”.
  •  “Since Grand-Daddy doesn’t let us turn the heat up, we should just call it a Warm Tub.” Enough said.
Look at that face and be unhappy!  It's hard to do.  She keeps me young, she keeps me tired!  But I wouldn't have it any other way. 
My arms are full, my heart is fuller and my life is more than I ever coul have imagined!

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