I guess it is just the thought of the weekend, the knowledge that I can sleep in and lay around if I choose to that gets me. I have never been much of a sleeper, up early in the mornings and never napped-probably afraid that I might miss something. But, times change. I've changed and I am not afraid to admit that I am now a napper. I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line my body told me to slow down. So, I do. A little bit anyway. Whenever I can I like to lie down-just for a bit. (At least that is my expectation.) Often, I fall asleep and I can sleep anywhere from 5 minutes to a couple of hours. And boy, do I love it! I wake up and after my initial feeling of disorientation, I feel refreshed. I don't know if it is an age thing, but I suspect not. Especially if I use my Mother as my marker, she never stops going! Perhaps it is more related to health and well-being. I don't usually wake in the morning feeling refreshed. I feel tired. I struggle to get out of bed and sometimes Jim will reach out and give me a little push to help me. I think about sleeping now, never used to do that either. I often feel an overwhelming sense of fatigue. It's a bummer. Sometimes, I don't even have the energy to get out of my chair. I don't like this feeling and I fight it. I struggle with the thought that my body is betraying me. I want to run and play and have boundless energy, but I don't. I asked my doctor about it once and she told me that it is one of the major complaints that she hears from her Muscular Dystrophy patients. So, she gave me a pill. It is supposed to make me feel like the 'Energizer Bunny', but it doesn't. It does give me the ability to make it through the day without crashing. Still, I long for a nap. The chance to lay my head down and rest.
Whenever I mention to my friend Durinda that I am tired, she always says "It's no wonder!" She will then go on to list all that I do in the course of a week or a day and then I feel a bit better. Maybe justified is a better way to describe it. Like I somehow need an excuse to feel tired. I think of what I would like to accomplish in a day and feel that if I don't get it all done that I have somehow lost. Lost what? I don't know, and I don't know why I feel that way.
Timmy teases me and tells me that if I go out and stay out past 10:00 on Friday night that it takes me the rest of the weekend to recover. But, he's right.
Not that I ever was much of a night owl. Just ask my sister Susan. She can tell you some stories...on second thought-Don't ask her!
Those of you who know me well might also know that I sometimes talk in my sleep. I always have from what I understand. But now I've refined it to an art form. Jim often threatens to keep a tape recorder by the side of the bed so that he can record some of my late night ramblings. And in recent years it has gotten much worse! I don't only talk, I yell, scream, cry and wimper in my sleep as well. I hold conversations! Jim and the kids think it is fun to ask me questions when I'm sleeping and see if I'll respond. Often, I do. When I go away on cropping weekends with my friends, they hope I'll keep them entertained. You never know where my mind will go. It's reallly strange when you think about it. Even at night I can't relax. No wonder I wake up tired!
Now, if I can just convince my company to put in a nap room, I'd be set!
16 hours ago