Thursday, February 18, 2010

I lost a day!

I hate it when that happens!  I've been so busy at work that I feel like I lost Wednesday.  Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and it is one of my favorite services at church.  I feel so blessed to be able to repent for my sins and know that in Him, I am forgiven.  The services renews my faith and makes me feel closer to God and to my faithfulness in Him.  Yesterday I missed it.  I just wasn't able to get there. 
As I stated in my last post, I've not been feeling well, and I just haven't been myself lately.  Sometimes it becomes burdensome to live with a progressive and systemic disease such as MD.  I never know how I am going to feel or where my disease might take me.  Will I wake up feeling good, able to walk, no aches or pains or am I going to have difficulty walking, swallowing, or doing any of the 'normal' day to day functions of living?   I don't know from one day to the next.  I try not to anticipate difficulty, but it does seem to find me one way or the other.  My point being, some days are worse than others and the weather is most definitely a factor-extreme heat or cold exacerbates my symptoms.  And we have had some extreme weather!  Through all of this it is sometime difficult not to get down about it.  Depression is often a problem with patients who have a chronic disease.  It just wears you down.   You know what I mean?  I fight it though, as much as I can.  I constantly remind myself of how lucky I am and of the many gifts that I am blessed with.  It is easy to look around me and see someone whose situation is more difficult than my own, and I know that.  I am aware of the pain and heartache that surrounds me.  I pray for others and do what I can to be of service when and where I can.  My faith and my family sustain me and give me strength.  Sometimes though, I can't help but give in to it and feel a little bad for myself.  I don't drown myself in pity or self-indulgence, I sleep. 
Yesterday, I was having on such day.  Weeks of almost constant pain, sleep difficulties and stress had finally taken its toll on me.  I felt poorly and I can only guess that I looked awful, because people kept telling me that I looked tired or asking me if I was feeling okay!  So when my boss suggested that I leave work a few hours early yesterday, I took her up on it.  I went home, showered, played a game with Bella and then I laid down on the couch and promptly fell asleep!  (And according to Bella, I snored too!) 
The resullt?  I feel much better today, more refreshed and ready to take on the day.  God is good!

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